Alice and the Three Mad Hatters, Unconditional Love

Illustration by John Tenniel

What if...

...once upon a time...

...Alice went back into Wonderland after she married and had children? What if she went into Wonderland to fetch her children who were very late for dinner? Maybe her husband was there as well and decided to play a game with Alice to find out just how much she really loved him.

Alice made claims she would love him no matter what form he came in, so Mr. Alice decided to take this opportunity to see if this was, indeed, true.

Mr. Alice then appeared first as a beautiful prince who dies tragically, but he comes back in the form of a formless energetic being. Alice recognizes his energy and vows her undying love. He tells her he is coming back to a body to be with her and he will guide her to show her which one. She agrees, even though she thinks she could be content with him as an energy blob.

He tells her that she will have to help him remember when she finds him. Again, she quickly agrees to the task because she is eager to be reunited with her partner.

Mr. Alice provides a bunny who poops Scooby Doo clues. She is supposed to collect the poop clues in her basket that she carries her little black dog in and she hopes her little dog doesn't eat the bunny poop. As it happens, there in the Pacific Northwest part of Wonderland, all the forest animals poop chocolate covered toffee. True story.

Art by Naoto Hattori

Alice gathers her clues and is led to a Mad Hatter. "This is him! This is the body I am in!" the clues suggest to Alice. And so she sets off trying to help him remember. This Mad Hatter is tiny, almost gnome sized, and he is a bit of a hoarder. He likes things and collects things....lots of things But Alice believes in her heart that her beloved husband is inside this Mad Hatter and she tries and tries to reach her husband inside. She opens her heart to this tiny Mad Hatter and loves him deeply, but this Mad Hatter loves his things and ended up marrying a vulture princess.

Alice didn't want to give up, even when the Scooby Doo clues started pointing in a new direction. She followed the clues but kept trying to reach the spark inside the tiny Mad Hatter. Alas, when it was clear he could not possibly be her beloved partner, she made her departure.

The second set of clues led to a tall pretty Mad Hatter. She was very pretty, indeed, but Alice had never been with a woman before. She had never really been inclined in that direction and so she was faced with a decision to move forward into new territory or stay with what was familiar. This is where her clues led her, so surely this is actually where her beloved partner must be... inside this body. And so, as it goes, she chose to venture into new territory and imagined a happy life with this tall beautiful female Mad Hatter.

Once again she opened her heart and loved.

Art by Christian Schloe

Sadly, this Mad Hatter wanted nothing to do with Alice even though she was inexplicably drawn to her. It was hard to leave this one when the clues started leading her, once again, to a new Mad Hatter. But it was more painful to stay and be ignored than to take her leave.

At this point Alice was very tired and sad. The clues were leading in a new direction and she wasn't sure if she could open her heart one more time to love a new Mad Hatter that may or may not contain the essence of her beloved husband. She followed the clues only to find this Mad Hatter was very, very famous. Paparazzi and fans follow him eveeywhere he goes. If he sneezes or scratches his ass, it makes the headlines.

Upon discovering this, Alice cried out, "Fuck this shit! I am going home!"

She considered that the clues must be wrong and she put them all together once again but they led right back to this very famous Mad Hatter. She decided she would try to learn about him and see what he was about. To her surprise, she discovered this Mad Hatter was very kind and compassionate. The more she learned about him, the more she started to love him. But when she would imagine spending time with him, she would see paparazzi hiding in the bushes and fans interupiting to meet him, she would think, "I can't do this," and the imagining would dissipate.

Art by Stephen Mackey

The rabbit she had been following noticed she was no longer following and stopped to look at Alice.

"Don't you want to be reunited with your husband?" asks the rabbit.

"Of course! But I don't know if I can bear that kind of life again. I just want a simple life without struggle or complication." she replied.

Rabbit put a front paw under his chin and started thumping a back paw as if deep in thought then said, "So your love for him has conditions?"

Alice's eyes grew wide and she could feel an "ah ha" moment rushing through her. It  was as though she could hear her husband whispering in her ear, "How much do you love me? How far would you go to be with me?" It was then she understood all of it had been a test to see if she could love him no matter what his form or the circumstances she would find him in.

It was at that moment she realized she really could endure a life with a super famous Mad Hatter if that is where he was.

But really....her dearest wish was that they could go home and be together there so they could be who they really were and not the pretend characters they were performing in Wonderland.

Alice and Mr. Alice collected their children and left Wonderland once and for all and lived happily ever after.

Artist Unknown

How open would YOU be for love?

Would you love someone of the same gender if you typically prefer the opposite gender?

Would you love someone of the opposite gender if you typically prefer the same gender as yourself?

Does your love have conditions?

Can you grow past those conditions?