I think I will go back to the the beginning of my crazy journey when I discovered River Phoenix was one of my guides. I was questioning it all and was shown a vision. I sent this email to Elisa Medhus at Channeling Erik after it happened:
But here is the thing...I only got it half right. Yes, we are building a bridge between the two worlds but why they were showing me the tapestry was to show me that me and my team, aka soul family, are back here to repair the damage we did to the tapestry and try to bring us all together again in unity and harmony. I had two different people come to me at different times and tell me they had dreams about me and were told to tell me to do past life work. Practically every psychic and medium has given me the same message...do past life work. Two different people privately messaged me about a CD set for self regression for doing past life work. I bought the CD set but do you think I actually used it? lol No, not at all. I have listened to it but not really given it an honest try. I then had a mini reading with my amazing and gifted friend, Shannon Johnson. I have posted it previously and talked about the bee part of the reading. But in this blog I will talk about how she saw a tapestry and bringing the threads together and repairing it. I found her description uncanny considering my own vision I had seen. She specifically mentioned there was past life stuff that needed to be worked on. She said we had to work together and that is key in all of this soul group stuff with people finding each other and coming back together.
Here are some clips from the movie Brave in case you don't have a young child at home and have it readily available for you viewing:
I haven't done the past life work but I have done a lot of reading about past life regression through Dolores Cannon, Brian Weiss, and Michael Newton. I highly recommend all three. Dolores is kind of best for those who are already on a spiritual path because you kind of need a mind wide open to be able to wrap your head around some of the information she gives in her many amazing books. What did start happening in dreams is that I started dreaming about my past lives. My memories were bleeding through in my dreams. Based on my dreams, I have had a lot of past lives as a male. There was one dream where I was a little boy dying from a lung thing.
October 7, 2015 I was dreaming about being terminally ill. Some lung thing. I remember coughing a lot. There was some lawyer hanging around who was one of those class action lawyers and was looking to drum up business. Someone got really angry and told him to go away. I remember hearing someone say "Just let the boy die alone. Let the boy go with god." And I was coughing and thinking that I thought I would have more time than I did.
The class action lawyer was a clue. It was telling me that what I had affected a lot of people. Shannon picked up during a session that I might have had a short life and died of the plague. I mentioned my dream to her. The plague wiped out a lot of people. Lung issues are heart chakra related and was an illness likely presenting due to a core wound that happened long before which I was carrying with me from lifetime to lifetime.
November 30, 2014 An earlier dream had to do with a house. It felt like it had been moved out of because it felt pretty empty. I see my husband and we start having a discussion about the house and it seems that he had been living in the master suite but I had come in saying that I was taking it over and I start moving my stuff in. I said he could have my old room which was out in the open with no doors or walls. I told him I had had to live like that and now it was his turn. There is a giant horse statue in the corner that he left behind but I liked it because it reminded me of Erik. My husband goes over to the statue and pushes it over. I was pissed and asked him why he did that. He is just kind of being a dick and then he goes out and comes back with all this stuff. I am like, what is this stuff? And he is throwing it at me. Apparently it was mine but he had been withholding it. There were two crowns with beautiful stones. There were rings and hats and silks and satins. I think I tried on a hat and looked in the mirror and remember thinking "I remember this hat. I haven't seen it for a long time." I also remember seeing a giant book shelf in the middle of the room and on it was lots of those giant picture story books. The books I could see were about eastern India. I thought to myself that I could read those to Inara. I don't remember much else about the dream. I think there was more but i can't remember specifics.
What I have come to understand is that all the characters who are the husband, father and uncle are representing the same person. They are all my primary soul mate that I refer to as my "magnet" and "opposite". What I see from this dream is that in my last life I had to live out in the open with no privacy and in the public eye. I was likely some famous public figure but I couldn't tell you who I was, only that I had been famous and I was saying a giant "Fuck you, asshole! It is your turn to be out in the public with no privacy...no walls, no doors!" And that is exactly what happened. My magnet/opposite primary is a famous person and I am a "nobody" and I get to choose my level of privacy. I don't have to worry about paparazzi following me around in my most intimate moments. I think the large books about India was telling me that there is a story about a lifetime there I still need to explore. I have always been drawn to the culture of India. I love the Hindu gods and goddesses. My husband is half eastern Indian and still has many relatives in India. Someday I would love to take my daughter there to meet that part of her family.
October 30, 2014 Holy shit what was that???? I was dreaming that I was reunited with my sister and father. They were dark skinned. She had black, straight, bobbed hair and was pretty and small. I hugged her when I saw her and she took me around a wood folding divider/screen and there was this bald guy sitting at the table and I knew he was my father. I got really emotional as I hadn't seen him for a long time. It felt like we had been estranged. I hugged him and just sobbed and sobbed because I was so happy to see him. I could see by his plate there was a piece of paper with words written on it that had been torn up. I think he was going to send me a letter first but decided to come himself. There was something mentioned about having the dinner there at the house so there wouldn't be a food conflict as might have been the case but she said that we could try a restaurant another time and I agreed that would be fine. I think I heard something about Islam. It was so emotional but I don't know who I was or actually even who they were. I seemed to recognize them in the dream though, considering my reaction.
THIS is the Holy Grail of dreams for me because it goes back to a life where my core issues stem from. Since that dream, I have had many, many other dreams that have helped me piece it all together. I only recently have made this giant breakthrough. I mean it was a breakthrough of epic proportions.
Drum roll...
In that life I was male. I was taken in by my Uncle but he was very much like my father to me. He had children of his own and raised me with them. There was a boy cousin who was like a brother to me. In dreams he consistently shows up as characters who are my brother and cousin for this reason. He is who my guides refer to as my "mirror" and "alike". Based on the above dream, I believe we were a Middle Eastern family. Back then and in that culture, cousins could marry cousins. It wasn't taboo. I was in love with my cousin and we wanted to be together but we were both male. Homosexuality was very much taboo and probably still not very accepted there. My Uncle found out about us and I was cast out, cut off and forbidden from ever seeing my cousin again. In an instant I was cut off from the only father I ever knew and the love of my life. I don't believe I ever saw them again. I think the dream of making amends was actually happening on the other side and not a memory of what really happened. I think I was allowed to see it so I could address my core issues which cause my health problems.
In this current life I have been called an "ice queen" and told I have no feelings. I have been hard, bitter and angry. I thought it was all due to current life issues, but that is not the case. Perhaps some of it stems from this life but the core blocks were put in place in my life as a male who loved another male in a way that society and my Uncle didn't find acceptable. I will be honest, I have a lot of baggage around matters of sex. I have spent years thinking I was "dirty" and "bad" for having sex. The shame I felt in this life for participating in sex carried over from that life where my sexual desires were considered sinful, forbidden and shameful. It has haunted me through my lives, lives where I was a forced sex slave and lives where I was drugged and forced to make porn. My anger and bitterness followed me through time which aided me in being the monster I probably was when I was a Nazi General. All of this information has come to me by way of dreams.
Sadly, my uncle/father is still doing what he did all those years ago. He is still maintaining his silence and not really talking to me and, funny enough, it still hurts like hell. I just want him to let me in. Please let me in. I forgive you for what you did, but please let me in so we can be family again. What I find really interesting is knowing that he has had a life where his father didn't want to speak to him or have anything to do with him. Did he choose that life so that he could relate to the wound he inflicted so long ago? I would guess that is quite likely the case.
My magnet primary soul mate is not the only one who inflicted wounds that need to be mended. I believe a dream showed me that my mirror primary soul mate was also my child and I horribly abused him because of all the anger and bitterness I carried with me. I have to own up to whatever it is I did to him. Maybe when he and I get a chance to sit down and share our dreams, he will hold pieces of the puzzle so I can see where I need to apologize and make up for the horrible parent I clearly was to him. I want us all to heal the wounds of the past. I want to heal the wounds I inflicted and the ones that were inflicted upon me. I sincerely want to end the cycle of pain and division. I long for unity and harmony for my soul family. Which brings me back to the topic of walk-ins.
As the whole world knows, David Bowie left the physical world recently. I posted the below on Facebook:
January 11, 2016 People are saddened and shocked by the news of David's passing and all I can think is "yep, another great one stepping back in to a newer model vehicle to be part of the shift." Given everything I have experienced and learned in the past few years, these great people who appear to be leaving us are simply going into a revolving door. Their faces may change but the essence of who they are will carry on in new bodies. And I am not talking about reincarnating into a baby. No. They will step into bodies already fully grown and developed which are simply part of the same soul. The soul is massive and the little tiny bit that animates these bodies is but a drop. Would it not stand to reason that when an aspect leaves such as David, that they can then return and merge with an aspect of themselves? I know this happens all the time as i have been witnessing it up close and personal. I do not feel sadness. I simply want to say, welcome to your new ride, David, and enjoy your next adventures because it is about to get really exciting. You can learn a little about walk-ins in my latest blog post.
These were comments I made when trying to explain the enormity of the soul:
So if we think of a soul and view it as the shape of a human body, the arms and legs could be seen as soul streams each going off in their own direction and having their own experiences. But then you have the fingers and toes which branch off again. The toes and fingers have all of their own sets of lives. Imagine fingers with finger puppets. So say that the index finger lost its puppet and the middle finger, goes dude, I have room in my ride, hop in! Now imagine the index finger and middle finger crossing so that they can both get the puppet back on their fingers. Same thing. Both fingers are part of the same being even though they have had different sets of lives and experiences up to that point. And maybe eventually as the vibrations will raise of the planet, more people will die off. It will look like less people when in reality they are all just jumping into a bus with other aspects of themselves. Eventually the two hands will come together and create magic....create balance and unity. Yin and yang will meet and marry.
It was in conversation today about some of this that I suddenly had an epiphany and realized my reply had more meaning than I realized. I had a "Holy shit" moment. Here is a dream I had long ago that kind of kicked off the whole walk-in adventure only it would take me until right before my magnet primary walked in for me to figure out its true meaning.
March 28, 1996 I only remember bits and pieces of the second dream. Something to do with someone I loved. I can’t remember who HE was in the dream. He was dying, I think. He didn’t look or act sick, but I knew he would not be here long. I remember kissing him. The scene changed and I was in some room with some other girl. This small silver orb appeared and was floating around the room. I was rather frightened of this thing and was sure it was a tiny UFO from outer space. It started doing something strange against the wall near the ceiling. It was going in a circular motion and creating a hole/crater. As it got deeper into the thick wall, I caught it but it was so fragile that the orb fell apart as I opened my hands to look more closely at it. Neither the other girl nor I could tell what it was exactly. Then at some point another tiny silver sphere/orb appeared. It continued where the other left off and soon was through the wall. What I came to discover later was that the orb contained the spirit of the man I loved who had died. He had to make the hole in the wall because it was a way out from another dimension. It was a doorway for him to re-enter this dimension. I was happy to see him and that is all I remember about the dream.
There were two orbs and I feel that is significant as we are seeing more and more soul merges and soul braids. It is so obvious to me now what this dream was telling me. I was a muggle when I had the dream, so I find some of the terms I used rather surprisingly accurate.
Let's go back to that "ah ha" moment from above. The line that jumps out at me is this one:
Eventually the two hands will come together and create magic....create balance and unity. Yin and yang will meet and marry.
I was talking to my friend, Ashley from In My Sacred Space and I was mentioning how my mirror primary and I are both represented by white which is masculine on a yin/yang symbol. My magnet primary and his partner I believe to be black which is feminine. I know for sure he is as my guides repeat his color as black over and over. So going back to the description of soul taking the shape of a human body, my mirror and I would be two fingers side by side on the same hand. We would be on the right side as right is considered to be masculine. My magnet and his partner are two fingers on the left hand. Yep, that's right. I am saying that my soul family and I are essentially part of the same soul. When you think of "God" as the One, we could see God as a human shape but then there are all these smaller bits branching off getting smaller and smaller exactly like fractals. You would see all of the human shaped fractals branching out
.
I get these images of a child playing with finger puppets on both hands and she is playing out all these dramas with them. But now is the time where the two sides are meant to meet and make peace. Right now is the time we are meant to be mending past life wounds. It is a time for forgiveness. But in order to get to that place of harmony and unity, we first have to clearly see our errors. We have to clearly see where our gaping wounds exist. Half of the battle is just understanding what the core issues are and where they stem from. From there, the other battle is letting go of the hurt, the pain, the anger. We have to say we are so sorry for what we have done when we have harmed another and do what we can to make up for it. We have to come together and be the loving family we were always meant to be.
This doesn't apply to just me and my group, it applies to every single soul incarnated at this time. We have been given this amazing opportunity to truly make a difference for the planet by healing ourselves and our closest soul connections. How much do you love Gaia and want to help our mother? She needs us right now and this is what she is asking us to do first. When we come into personal balance and harmony, we have the power to heal the whole planet. It really is just that enormous and important to do the work your guides are asking of you. And when I say "your guides", I really mean it is just part of you over there pushing you forward to do the inner work you need to do. But you can't do it alone. Yes, there is inner work that only we can do, but there is also this aspect of teamwork that a lamp is being shone on. We have to be a team and work together, realize our connections or it all fails.
Ancient native tribes knew that it took unity for the whole tribe to succeed from year to year. Tribes that have been pretty much untouched by modern man thrive harmoniously. Our flawed ways of cutting ourselves off from the whole and creating separateness has to end. We are like those seagulls in Finding Nemo shouting "Mine! Mine! Mine!" collecting more pointless shit, watching our fellow man suffer in the streets, killing each other in wars with dirty bombs. Greed and separateness fuels our modern society and we are trying to push our modern society on so-called third world countries. We need to step back and clean up our own shit before we try to "help" others by pushing our fucked up western values of consumerism and selfishness on them. We have to take care of our elderly and not just shove them off out of sight somewhere. We need to take care of each other and give a fuck. We have to wake the fuck up now and make a choice to understand what really matters in this world if we want to save it.
The Hopi have what is called "Prophecy Rock" or "Hopi Rock" in Arizona. Basically the images show us that humanity has big choice to make. The path of greed leads to extinction for mankind and the path of unity and love is long and fruitful.
What will you personally choose?
I choose the path of unity, healing and love.
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