Who Killed Mr. Green in the Ballroom?

Art by Stephen Andrade

I saw a recent discussion about who really killed River at The Viper Room. This individual was upset I had placed blame on Samantha Mathis in a series of posts based on my dreams. I laughed to myself, because who killed "Mr. Green" in the game we are currently playing could be different for each of us. Remember, our thoughts create our individual reality.

To explain this, I will have to give you a list of players I have gotten clues for since I started this journey and who they would be in the game of CLUE.

Art by N. C.  Winters

Mrs. Peacock - Rainbow - Oktobre (me) - Transformed version with all chakras fully functioning.

Miss Scarlett - Red - Deryck Whibley - Root Chakra

Yvette the Maid - Orange - Oktobre (me) - Sacral Chakra

Colonial Mustard - Yellow - Laura Jane Grace - Solar Plexus

Mr. Green - Green - River Phoenix - Heart Chakra

Wadsworth - Blue - Keanu Reeves - Throat Chakra

Professor Plum - Indigo/Purple - Brandon Lee - Third Eye Chakra

Mrs. White - White - Kurt Cobain - Crown Chakra

In my game of CLUE, there were multiple fatalities. The question is, who killed each? The answer is, I did. I killed them all in one way or another.

So, to see in a dream that Samantha Mathis was somehow responsible for River's death is actually seeing how I killed my heart, my love and my partner. My heart drank the poison I gave it and it died. Heart Chakra issues are where most of my health problems stem from. Killing my heart is like putting armor on and saying, "I can't feel anymore."

The murder that happened before that was the murder of my Third Eye. I killed any connection to spirit, the other side and my sixth sense abilities. Brandon represents my third eye and I was shown in a dream where the bullet went in that killed him. It was in the middle of his back which shows a lack of support for the connection to the part of the mind that can see more and connect with information that the normal thinking mind cannot. I remember deliberately turning off that connection to the other side. I didn't want the responsibility and it scared me. Killing my third eye is like putting my hands on my eyes and saying, "I can't see you."

The next fatality was Kurt Cobain. He represents my connection to spirit and all things spiritual. As evidence shows, I blew my crown right off with a shotgun. I shut down, turned off and went into radio silence. It was like sticking my fingers in my ears and saying, "I can't hear you!"

Photo by Ezo Renier

Keanu represents the throat chakra which is all about communication. In a dream once, he was carrying a little girl who was referred to as "the little mermaid" and I took it to mean she was my voice and he was holding her for me until I was ready for her to stand and walk on her own.

And with each one of the living players, I am meant to give them what I needed to give myself. And by learning to give unconditional love, support, and guidance to them, I learned to also give them to myself. I was also able to see former versions of me and witness how and why it was a problem or an asset. I was able to see patterns and work through so much internal baggage. I was able to fall in love with me and THAT is the point.

The reason why I am also the Maid is because she is the sacral chakra. Just recently I had a dream where a woman stepped through the door wearing an orange dress. Sacral chakra to me is about relationships and the person I most need to have a relationship with is myself.

Through doing all the work that was being asked of me, I was finally able to find my voice again.

Now, your cast of characters may be similar or different depending on the clues you are getting. Maybe River represents something different to you than he does to me. Maybe the method of death will look different in your game than it does in mine. You have to take a good hard look at yourself, understand the clues and understand how you, yourself killed off that character in the game.

It really doesn't matter who or what actually killed River. What matters is that you are understanding the messages you are being given if you are guided to specific people. If you fail to step away from the lower mind and narrow thinking, you will fail to grow, expand and transform. You  will fail to become Mrs. Peacock and she will be just another casualty in the game.

Non-physical Celebrity Guides

I have had a series of weird things happen. It started right after I decided it was time to let the non-physical ones go who have helped guide me along the way. I wrote about this letting go and was contacted by someone who was saying I shouldn't let River go. I thanked her for her message, but know deep in my heart that all of the messages I have been getting in dreams and with signs and syncs were telling me it was time to let them all go so that my partner doesn't have to live in their shadow. Nevermind that my partner isn't talking to me right now. It is about symbolically saying that he is my priority. I communed with the non-physical long enough. Now it is time to participate with the physical. Now it is time to actually start living and interacting with the fleshy variety of people.

Shortly after I was told not to let River go, I had a friend reach out and want me to talk with his friend who appeared to have a celebrity connection through signs, syncs and dreams. I complied with his request and found the conversation challenging right out of the gate. She asked me if I had a relationship with Jesus. I laughed and told her that was a loaded question and told her briefly about my past life connection.

She got pretty stuck on her religious beliefs and needed to use words that didn't upset her. Like she needed "prophet" instead of "psychic". It felt like the conversation was going nowhere and all this fear based religious talk was wearing on me. She finally started talking about Jack White and it was pretty clear to me after a short time that she was having psychotic episodes. I politely told her that I felt I couldn't help her and felt we should bring the conversation to a close. I promptly blocked her once I was certain she had seen my final message.

I have talked to a lot of complete strangers on this journey. People reach out to me and lot who also feel they have a celebrity connection on their spiritual journey. This was the first time I truly felt there was mental illness coming into play.

The next day I got a notification for a Facebook story of a friend I don't really talk to anymore who, coincidentally, used to refer to Jack White as her "husband" but I never took it seriously. We stopped talking because I felt really let down by her. I was going through a rough time and reached out to her but only got silence in return. I told her how I felt at the time but considered I had been too harsh. I clicked on her story because of the Jack White connection and was surprised to see a picture of River. I went to her page and she had just posted several photos of River and one where she had referred to River as her "husband". I decided to send her a message and congratulate her on her recent "marriage". lol The response I got back was surprising and not completely different from the woman I had talked to the day before.

After all I have learned since River came to me as a guide in 2012, I know that "marrying River" is basically the same as being visited by the Self-love Fairy and it isn't exactly a gentle musical-like, animals singing experience. It has been more like a "walk through the brambles naked with your flesh being torn off" experience. It has been more like a "turn yourself inside out and dissect every part of you" bloody and painful experience.

So, when someone says they feel connected to River, I really do wish them well, but know how hard it can be if they actually follow all the clues he will give them and do the work he is asking them to do. I have seen a lot of people get really stuck on the celebrity persona instead of what they are trying to teach them. They fail to follow the breadcrumbs and clues being offered that will lead them to lessons that will help them grow.

Lots of people have non-physical celebrity guides. Why? Because it is an easy mask that can be worn and used. Usually a lot is out there about their lives and can be used as clues of guidance. It is hard to gather clues from Joe Nobody because there just isn't as much to work with. Think of it as a scavenger hunt and the pieces you are sent to find are parts of you. The celebrities and the clues connected to them are simply a tool and a treasure map. To get stuck on the persona would be erroneous and leave you a mouse chasing it's own tail in the maze rather than following the clues that will take you to the big prize at the end....you. But make no mistake, this you that it can lead you to is the highest version of you and it is magnificent.

Remember...this is a game. A virtual reality.

Are we actually working with the actual non--physical celebrity? Probably not, but it doesn't really matter. The mask gives us a reference point and a way for them to guide us. It is like being blindfolded and having a partner from the other side tell us where to go. There IS a partner and if we listen and trust their guidance, we will find our way out of the maze and back to ourselves.

If you are successful, you will be led to people who will help you look at yourself. You will experience lessons that will help you grow if you are willing to truly look at yourself honestly and then change. And when the journey comes full circle, if you have done all that was being asked of you, you will be transformed completely.

I am not at all the same person I was when I started all of this. I would never ever want to be that old me, either. The me I am today is so much wiser, kinder, and balanced. The me I am today wants to continue to strive to be the best version of me that I can and to continue to grow as experiences come my way.

I value and appreciate every single celebrity I experienced, both non-physical and physical. By looking at their lives, seeing the patterns, the problems and myself in them, I was able to grow, expand and change. I feel I am at a point now where I can say thank you to all of them but ultimately let them all go now.

Thank you, River Phoenix.
Thank you, Brandon Lee.
Thank you, Kurt Cobain.
Thank you, Ava Gardner.
Thank you, Jean Seberg.
Thank you, Frank Sinatra.
Thank you, Isa and Mary.
Thank you, Adolf and Eva.
Thank you, Deryck Whibley.
Thank you, Laura Jane Grace.
Thank you, Dan Reed.
Thank you, Nuno Bettencourt.
Thank you, Dave Grohl.
Thank you, Keanu Reeves.

Best wishes and good luck to all of you out there who are on a journey back to self.

Four Horsemen and the Kundalini Awakening

Art by Oleg Lipchenko

My guides want me to talk about something I have recently come to understand, but I have had to delay it while I writhe in pain. It has been one thing after another over the last week. It started with painful edema, then moved to kidney pain. Today I woke with massive head pain in the third eye region. It has finally dulled enough that I feel like I can put my words together to talk about my important discovery. All of this pain I mentioned will make sense later.

Illustration by Gustave Dore

"Fuck you, and the horse you rode in on!" takes on a new layer for me after what I came to understand yesterday.

Something kept coming back to my mind over and over. At the beginning of all of this, I was shown fours in dreams. I saw four necklaces, four dogs, four phones, etc. But then it changed. There were four hot dogs, but one couldn't be used. There were four pets, but one was sick. There were four bands, but one cancelled at the last minute.

That number four haunted me and I have suspected for some time that it might be related to the four horsemen mentioned in Revelation in the Bible. I had looked before, but I needed more information from the experiences and lessons I was having before I would fully be able to connect the two definitively.

Art by Victor Vasnetov

I made a quick reference list of the four so I could compare it with the people I have been guided to.

White Horse - Archer - Competition
Red Horse - Sword - War/Taking sides
Black - Scales - Value of things
Ashen - Scythe & Famine - Death and Hades

After looking at that list, I determined that it was my White Horse I was missing.

Deryck Whibley is clearly my Black Horse because he is a borderline hoarder. He is all about his things and he has no real regard or generosity for those less fortunate. He is the dwarf in the story of Snow White and Rose Red who wants the treasure all for himself. Don't get me wrong, Deryck has wonderful qualities too. He has SO much potential and yet he chooses to be materialistic and selfish. When I was trying to reach him and wake him up, it was easy to see myself in him. It was easy to see how I had been too sentimental and needed to let go of the things and the past. It was during that time I started purging and getting rid of stuff I had been carrying with me for more than 30 years. I learned so much during my time with the Black Horse.

Laura Jane Grace is very clearly my Red Horse. She was all about raging against what she saw as unjust and taking sides. She speaks out a lot but does little to actually create any real change through action. Again, I could see very well how I had been exactly like her at one point. A trip to my old Facebook posts will show you I liked to speak out on injustices and take sides. Again, Laura is a beautiful person with mountains of potential. Seeing me in her helped solidify my own transformation away from warring with people and taking sides.

I'm not sure who my White Horse would have been, but the lessons of competition have trickled through different people in small ways. Most recently, I feel like I was put through a series of bizarre tests. I think I passed those tests.

The Ashen Horse is Keanu Reeves. I haven't spent as much time studying him as I have the others because he is still new to me. Part of that is due, in part, to the lack of social media presence. It was easier to interact with the other two. I think the fourth horse has a pretty big lesson in that we have to release our fears and a huge fear most of us have at one point is the fear of death. Along with that is the grief we feel when someone we care about dies. Keanu has experienced some significant deaths in his life that seem to have weighed heavy on him. The Mary character grieved so much that it followed her through all of her lives. Keanu lost a partner and a child. Mary, also, lost a partner and child and she never got over it. I felt the enormity of that grief during my past life regression and it is a weight I no longer want to carry.

I think the famine part of the lesson isn't so much about literal famine having to do with food, but famine of the soul. We starve ourselves when we shut down and shut out people. I think Keanu is like me in that he put his heart on lock down so that no one would ever get back in there and devastate him again. In doing so, he starves his own soul and others by not being capable of giving or receiving fully. I feel I can give fairly well, but I am not very good with receiving. I get images of arrows being shot at my heart and they simply hit the barrier and fall to the ground, unable to penetrate the inner sanctuaries.

Illustration by Gustave Dore

I think the added lesson of famine is being able to continue to love and give to someone even when they are not in a place to be able to give to us. All of the lessons teach us an aspect of unconditional love.

These are listed as the first four of seven seals.

I happened upon a Gnostic site that had an interesting excerpt from a book. I thought, "Oh my God! Why did it take me so long to find this nugget of gold?!"

By no means do I believe this is complete because it is missing integration of the information that this is a virtual reality. Some of what has been said in the article, when taking into consideration what I know because of dreams, would alter slightly.

I see a little boy in dreams all the time and, often, I opt to take care of him.

The article mentions when the fifth seal is opened, a person will see themselves dressed in white. I had a dream where I stood in the shower and my Doc Marten boots I was wearing went from black to white. Since that dream, I am wearing white in dreams more frequently.

I seem to be at a point of the sixth seal opening. I have been experiencing and unusual amount of pain, as I mentioned at the beginning of this blog. So, while I feel rather like I would like to check out and skip the pain, I guess it is actually a very positive sign of all the progress and growth I have done.

Here is the article should you be interested in reading it:

https://gnosticteachings.org/books-by-samael-aun-weor/kundalini-yoga-the-mysteries-of-the-fire/885-the-seven-seals.html

Who are the four horsemen in your life? Are you learning the lessons you need to learn to move forward? Which seals have been opened on your journey?